Everyone is staring at you

Inspired by: The Aesop’s Fables – The Gnat and the Bull

Well… not really

But it does feel like that sometimes, doesn’t it?

You trip when entering the café and suddenly feel like every barista is looking at you.

The reason for this is something called the spotlight effect. But we’ve been experiencing this feeling long before we named it.

There is an old Greek fable called The Gnat and the Bull. Written by a slave named Aesop – it’s part of a collection teaching us simple life lessons.

In the story, a small fly decided to rest on a bull’s horn.

When leaving, it apologized profusely, convinced that the bull would be glad to have it gone.

But from the bull’s perspective?

It didn’t even notice the small fly.

The story means to teach us how often we overestimate our own importance in the eyes of others.

As a result, we might be worrying about something that isn’t real.

That joke you said 2 weeks ago that didn’t land?

No one remembers it anymore.

The way you tripped on the doorstep of that café?

Barely anyone noticed.

***

Now, I don’t want you to think you’re like an insect to others.

But… Most times, people are too busy worrying about themselves to pay attention to what you’re doing.

***

There is a name for what we just walked through: the Spotlight Effect. It’s a cognitive bias where we overestimate how much people notice our actions, flaws, or quirks.

Given that we’re all the main characters in our own lives – it’s very difficult to have an accurate view of how others perceive you.

We also have data to back this up.

In 2000 psychologists run a research study, where a group of students were asked to wear an embarrassing shirt during a test.

When asked, the students estimated that about 50% of their peers noticed the shirt. In truth – only about 25% remembered seeing it. (Source: EBSCO)

Unfortunately, being aware of the Spotlight Effect doesn’t make us immune to it.

But it does help to ease the anxiety.

So the next time you worry about an embarrassing stain on a shirt, think back to the story about the Gnat & the Bull.

Because you’re probably overestimating how many people noticed it.

Hey, I had a lot on my plate, but now I’m back with the weekly issues.

I also moved to a new place, started living on my own, and took a long look at what I want this publication to be (you might’ve noticed this issue looks a bit different).

If you want more updates (and see my tiny apartment) – I’ll be posting a reel on Monday on my Instagram.

See you next week.